Communicating From the Heart:
Guidelines For Compassionate Listening and Speaking

During a dialogue you will be asked to listen, and you may be moved to speak. Here are some guidelines for compassionate listening and speaking.

			Compassionate Listening

• Listen to hear, really hear, what is being said.

• Listen to understand.

• Listen to learn.

• Listen without comment, even if you do not agree with what is being said. You don't have to agree. Just listen.

• Listen completely focused on the speaker. Don't try to come up with counter arguments or to frame your reply. Simply focus on what the speaker is saying.

• Listen with respect, no matter whether the speaker is on "your" side or "theirs," regardless of the speaker's status or position.

• Listen to find links between you and the speaker.

• Listen with empathy.

• Listen with your heart, always with your heart.

There are only a few guidelines for compassionate listening. Yet it can be a very difficult practice to master. The key is to set aside the urge to respond, to blame, to "stop the lies" or to blame and to simply let the speaker's words in.
 

			Compassionate Speaking

• Speak from your heart, neither censoring or holding back your feelings.

• Speak only from your experiences and of things you directly know about.

• Speak as if all your listeners are your friends, rather than "others" to be persuaded or defeated.

• Speak using "I" statements as much as possible, rather than "you," "they" or "we" statements.

• Speak without labeling or insulting others.

• Speak on topic, avoiding side topics and gratuitous remarks.

• Speak with consideration for your listeners.

• Speak to educate and enlighten your listeners.

• Speak to open "their" hearts and minds, not to defeat them.

• Speak directly from your heart to theirs.